unwinding.

today was not a great day. it wasn’t a horrendous day, but it was stressful. work can be very frustrating some days. after busy days I’ll come home and I just have to sit for 20 minutes or so and do something mindless so I can just get back into myself. I know that sounds odd, but I have work mode — essentially, constantly being in motion so that I can get everything done. there’s also a certain way that I speak to customers. I can’t instantly snap out of work mode back into normalcy.

tonight I had to walk it off. I got home and my dog was crazy excited to see me, so I decided to take him out with me. it was nice outside today, I’d guess around 55 by the time we went out, and we walked for about 40 minutes until we were both nice and tired. I found out later that he had jumped up and grabbed three marshmallow peeps off of an end table this evening… which probably explains part of his excitement. but it was still good for both of us.

I’m leaving bright and early Friday morning for Concord, NH. well, really, I’m flying to Detroit and then Manchester, and Jared’s getting me and driving me back to Concord. technicalities. I’m really excited, but I’m really not ready. I’m wondering how exactly I’ll get everything done before I have to go… Wednesday and Thursday may end up being late nights.

art projects to do. further bulletins as events warrant.

just a little old-fashioned narcissism.

I saw her the first time she came in today. it was the middle of our lunch rush and there were about a dozen people waiting to order, in addition to the four or five we were already helping. I knew who she was; I also knew, from an entirely different situation, that she can be ridiculously difficult to deal with. but I didn’t have to wait on her, and she didn’t seem to cause anyone trouble.

later, when the store had calmed down, I went out to wipe counters and she was standing there, holding a bag and wearing a sour expression. before I got the chance to say anything, she said flatly, “You didn’t give me a dressing the first time.” I asked her politely what kind of salad she had, and she told me it was a special salad, so I went and got a container of balsamic from the refrigerator. “Sorry about that,” I said as I handed it to her. “Everyone got to eat lunch but me,” she said as she stalked toward the door.

someone once said that when the world revolves around you, everything is a big deal.

it reminded me that I never want to be the kind of person who can’t forgive a harried food service worker for making a mistake at a busy time. I don’t want to take everything that doesn’t go exactly the way I wish as a personal insult or a life-ruining event. and never do I for any reason want to treat someone like they’re stupid or beneath me.  I always have to remember what the center of the universe really is.

today, I almost bled to death.

I guess that’s not technically true, since I probably wasn’t in danger of losing my life. I got my thumb at work today while I was dicing potatoes, and the cut wouldn’t stop bleeding no matter what I did… basically making it impossible to accomplish anything for the last hour I was at work. finally I got it to stop long enough to get some liquid bandage on it, so now it’s good. it was kind of ironic that what is likely the least serious injury I’ve ever incurred incapacitated me for an hour. I slipped out by the frozen yogurt machine today and whacked my arm on a corner of something and I think the bruise from that (which began to appear immediately after I fell) hurts worse than my thumb.

I woke up this morning to a world of white… not only was snow covering the ground, but it was also falling — giant flakes, thick in the air. I took the interstate to work this morning instead of driving the back way. at that point just past Montrose where you can basically see the whole city I looked out and all I could see was the snow. pretty amazing. “this is the poem of the air” — that Longfellow guy knew what he was talking about. ;]

I’m running almost purely on caffeine today, since I got about 4 hours of sleep last night. and that is entirely my own fault for staying out so late. but despite the tiredness I feel, I am also really refreshed. there are some cruddy things going on right now, and my heart’s not quite at peace. but I got to spend some time with this girl last night and, among other things, genuinely laugh. it was good. on that note, if you click on that link, there’s a rather interesting video containing some of that laughter.

to end, a new discovery which will surely be an all-time favorite.

The Waking
by Theodore Roethke

I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I have to go.

We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.

Light takes the Tree; but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me; so take the lively air,
And, lovely, learn by going where to go.

This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.