I’m tired.

this will come as a surprise to most of you, but I actually saw The Golden Compass tonight.

I know, I know, the guy’s an atheist and the books are about killing God or something — let’s not get into how it doesn’t make that much sense to write a book about killing God if you don’t actually believe there is a God… since you can’t kill something that doesn’t exist.

at any rate, I saw the movie. and it was better than I expected it to be. it’s not getting great reviews, but it’s not an awful film — to be perfectly honest, I liked it better than “The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe,” but that’s probably only because I read the Chronicles of Narnia 56 million times growing up and thought the film interpretation would cause C.S. Lewis some heartburn, were he alive to see it. anyway. not awful. not great. regarding the whole religion thing, there definitely parallels that can be drawn and ideas that can be extrapolated from the outlines in the film, but there’s no strong underlying message.

I think it’s kind of funny that fantasy movies are okay with conservative Christians when all of the elements of it are morally aligned with the “Christian world view.” The Lord of The Rings might have some weird stuff, but it’s about a battle between good and evil! there are witches and such in The Chronicles of Narnia, but the whole thing is an allegory for the death and resurrection of Christ, so no problem there. but since The Golden Compass was written by an atheist, and the storyline’s not a clearly delineated battle of good vs. evil, it makes us a tad uncomfortable.

bottom line, not significant enough to protest, even if the books are about “killing God.”

—

I’m having trouble sleeping. it’s not for lack of trying.

this has happened to me before. there was a time when I went to sleep every night by reading until I couldn’t keep my eyes open.

it seems that there are things I don’t want to think about. but I do think about them. or, to avoid thinking about them, I think about 50 million other things, and all this thinking going on makes sleeping basically impossible. I think I need to devise a new system for not thinking about these things. or maybe I could just deal with my problems. but who does that?

I’m turning inward a bit. kind of halfway, maybe. not badly enough to have realized it before this weekend; badly enough that I’m having trouble sleeping. I’m not quite sure what to do, but something’s got to give.

the cause of war

“Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don’t have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn’t yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it.” — James 4:1-2

I read this yesterday and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. the source of conflict is not some force beyond my control; it’s me. and even if someone else initiates conflict, if I let it continue it’s because I want to be right — want my own way.

it also made me think about actual war, not just interpersonal conflict.  inside ourselves. that’s where it comes from.

but every good and perfect gift comes from God — I don’t remember the reference for that one.

I am learning how to  repent.

“Come unto me.” Matthew 6:28

“If you want to know how real you are, test yourself by these words — “Come unto me.” In every degree in which you are not real, you will dispute rather than come, you will quibble rather than come, you will go through sorrow rather than come, you will do anything rather than come the last lap of unutterable foolishness — “Just as I am.” As long as you have the tiniest bit of spiritual impertinence, it will always reveal itself in the fact that you are expecting God to tell you to do a big thing, and all He is telling you to do is “come.”

“The Holy Spirit will show you what you have to do, anything at all that wil put the axe at the root of the thing which is preventing you from getting through. You will never get futher until you are willing to do that one thing. The Holy Spirit will locate the one impregnable thing in you, but He cannot budge it unless you are willing to let him.”

what a thing to read this morning.