yesterday’s reading

“It is never a question of being of use, but of being of value to God himself. When we are abandoned to God, he works through us all the time.” — Oswald Chambers

Oswald Chambers wrote some pretty profound things in his lifetime.

I’ve been wrestling with ideas and feelings about what I’ll be doing next year. there’s nothing concrete as of yet, and I’ve honestly been somewhat frustrated that I don’t see a green light from God in any area — it seems as though for the past four years all I’ve wanted to know is what he wants me to do in some kind of long-term frame of reference, and all I’ve been getting is a few steps at a time. it continues to be that way. the latest step is sending off applications to schools I’m terrified I won’t get into (yet there’s a push to do it). I’m about to buy a ticket to go visit my brother over my spring break so I can make a few college visits; after that I find out nothing until May. it seems so far away, but it’ll likely fly by. I just have no idea what’s going to happen. I’m kind of excited, a tad anxious, but the overriding feeling is peace. I’m honestly willing to do whatever, because I know whatever it is that God wants me to do will be the most awesome thing I’ve ever done. usually I know that intellectually but it doesn’t feel that way. right now it feels that way, though it kind of contradicts with my thought processes — how could staying at State possibly be the best thing for me? well, I honestly don’t know… but if that’s what I’m supposed to do, it is. that’s all I know.

and… as the most random side note ever, I like French now. it’s a rather new revelation. I was really despising it there at the beginning of last semester. I felt like I was learning all these different elements but I didn’t have any kind of grasp on the language. now I think I could actually become proficient in it (if I can just improve my pronunciation…). so taking as much French as possible  is on the list of things I want to do. maybe I could study abroad (another thing on the list) in France.

and I’m cured of my water aversion. back to my usual camel-like rate of consumption.

(: